They say the neon lights are bright on Broadway

This is going to be the Good, the Bad, and the U-G-L-Y! You ain’t got no alibi your ugly yah yah you ugly of Seattle theatre post.

First things first a couple do’s if you’re going to see a show especially if it’s one I’m seeing the same night.

  • Wear deodorant so you don’t smell: there are very few things worse than sitting near someone who smells like B.O. like sitting next to someone who smells like an ashtray.
  • Arrive on time: If you know you have tickets to the show arrive with time to spare so people like me are stuck waiting 6-15 minutes for the show to start.  I begrudgingly give a 5 minute window.
  • It’s not OK to talk to the actors on stage: don’t go yelling out their name or their characters name it’s rude and distracting to everyone around you.

Now for actors, directors, stage managers, theatre companies etc….

  • Start your shows on time. I arrived on time and if your other patrons are not courteous enough to arrive on time why should I be punished with a late start, I shouldn’t so start on time.
  • Keep intermissions to their allotted minutes.  Nothing like having a 30 minute break between acts.
  • Don’t give away free drinks if you only have one toilet; see item above, it causes a longer than needed intermission.
  • If people are in a musical make sure they can carry a tune; I don’t know how many times my ears have bled from off pitch and out of tune singers.
  • If you are going to have a Christmas show PLEASE NO sing-along Christmas song time, it is wrong so, so wrong.
  • Don’t break the 4th wall unless it’s done to perfection; otherwise its can be a bit uncomfortable.
  • Do not put naked hairy asses in the audience faces it not right and gross and something I don’t need to see EVER AGAIN!
  • I hate to say it but this year I learned two things 1. Seattle has a lot of shitty theatre but on the upside 2. Seattle also has a lot of amazingly awesome theatre.

In 2013 I saw the most theater I’ve ever seen in a year thanks to being a TPS judge here’s a list of everything I was able to see in 2013, a total of 37 shows and no I won’t say which ones I liked and which ones I didn’t like that would be too mean even for me.





Book of Mormon Paramount


Shirley Valentine ArtsWest


Undo Annex


Mousetrap Village Theater


A Behanding in Spokane Theater Schmeater


Next to Normal Balagan Theatre


Ruthless the Musical Coronado Playhouse


Photograph 51 Seattle Repertory


Music Man 5th Ave Theatre


Five Women Wearing The Same Dress Theater 4 Seattle Center


Next Fall ArtsWest


August: Osage County Balagan Theatre


Rent Second Story Rep


The Final Tribunal into the Mysterious Death of Mister Senor Salvador Dali Pony World Theatre at Theatre Off Jackson


33 Variations ArtsWest


Trails Everett Village


The Language Archives Seattle Public


Tall Skinny Cruel Cruel Boys Washington Ensemble Theatre


Other Desert Cities ACT Theatre


The Clockwork Professor Theatre Off Jackson


Chess ArtsWest


Illyria Taproot Theatre


Pirates of Penzance 5th Ave Theatre


Shakespeare in the Park – Midsummer Lincoln Park


Lysistrada Intiman Theatre


Wooden O – The Tempest Luther Burbank Park


We Won’t Pay, We Won’t Pay Intiman Theatre


Stu for Silverton Intiman Theatre


Soft Click of a Switch – MAP Theatre West of Lenin


Secondhand Lions 5th Ave Theatre


Servant of Two Masters Seattle Repertory Theatre


Brighten Beach Memoirs Spokane Interplayers


The Underneath Annex Theatre


Pippi Longstocking Seattle Children’s Theatre


Floyd Collins StageRIGHT @ Richard Hugo House


Total Family Massage: The Musical! Eclectic Theater



2 thoughts on “They say the neon lights are bright on Broadway

  1. Shari Peterman

    Wow. That’s awesome. What is a TPS Judge? About how much did you have to pay for current ones like Book of Mormon?

    1. mitzanator Post author

      Shari, thought I’d reply here too. 🙂
      TPS is a service organization for theatre who put on the Gregory awards which is like the equivalent of the Tony’s for Seattle but on a much smaller scale and being a judge helps select those shows/actors/directors that get nominated. Book of Mormon were the most expensive tickets at a little less than $150. The majority of the shows I saw were free because of having to judge them or going with someone else who had to judge them.


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